​Me Vs. Me

By Ramir Wearen

​I remember back in 8th grade when I faced one of the toughest challenges in my life. It was time to take the regents for Algebra 1 and I completely flat lined the opportunity to pass. I almost remember the intensity that I felt up until taking the test and it wasn’t really killing me the fact that I was nervous for the test and I didn't know my ability. It was the fact that I felt unprepared; as of matter of fact, that’s how I felt for every single test I took. At that moment I knew that all of my decisions would be a reflection of how well I had done on that test- and there was little hope.

Up until the 8th grade I never fully could grasp the concept of math- not that it was hard, it just started to become too complex, the “a + b” and square roots… it was just a new influx of information coming in every other day and I learn the next thing before I ever fully understood the last. I can’t remember exactly how I felt when I didn't pass the test but I knew I felt a sense of defeat and regret. I thought about all the things that I wish I would’ve done differently and all the days I came late or never showed up. But the “toughest challenge” was never the test. It was me versus myself. I remember feeling so confused on questions it was almost like I’ve never seen those types of problems before. But it wasn’t that I just failed to study and practice to strengthen by ability. I always held on to faith and hope and thought that things would be easy and work out for me eventually, but no it cost me a lifetime of feeling uneasy about my academic abilities.

​Even in my senior year I’ve never felt like I was where I actually should've been academically I feel that I was. I began taking classes that I felt that if I didn't fail my Algebra and Living Environments Regents would be better advanced places which also caused me some insecurity when it came to my school life. To conclude, This experience has not only taught me what it felt like to fail but I learned that I should always take advantage of opportunities that will be beneficial to me even if I feel that they won’t be helpful in the current situation, it's very possible that they will assist in my success in the future.